Dear Temple Emanu-El Families,
On Rosh Hashanah, we began these Yamim Noraim thinking about butterflies, about change, transformation, and what it means to emerge from the chrysalis different than we were before.
But transformation doesn’t just happen.
On Yom Kippur, we recite the Vidui, our communal confession, including the prayer Al Chet. Al Chet literally means “for the sin,” but I find it more meaningful to think about it as naming the ways we have fallen short.
And there is something incredibly powerful about the fact that we don’t say, “I have fallen short.” We say we. We stand together, acknowledge our imperfections, and take responsibility for becoming better. That communal language is central to the Yom Kippur confession.
So this year, I have been thinking about what an Al Chet might sound like for us as parents.
Al Chet…
For the times we were looking at our phones when our children needed our eyes.
For the times we rushed to fix the problem instead of simply listening.
For the times we allowed our stress, anxiety, or frustration to become theirs.
For the times we cared more about the grade, the game, the performance, or the outcome than the child standing in front of us.
For the times we saw our children as extensions of ourselves instead of as their own people.
For the times we expected them to apologize but struggled to say, “I’m sorry,” ourselves.
And for the times we simply forgot to stop and be grateful for the extraordinary privilege of being their parent.
Yom Kippur isn’t asking us to be perfect parents. It is asking us to be honest enough to recognize where we have fallen short and courageous enough to do something about it. Teshuvah asks us not only to recognize what went wrong, but to apologize, repair, and make different choices going forward.
So before Yom Kippur, I want to challenge each of us to ask our children one question:
What can I do to be a better parent to you?
And then comes the really hard part. Listen. Don’t defend. Don’t explain. Don’t tell them why they’re wrong. Just listen.
Our vulnerability with our children creates an opening. When we are willing to say, “I got that wrong. I’m sorry. I want to do better,” we allow our children to see us not simply as their parents, but as human beings. And that vulnerability can open a kind of communication with our children that we might never have imagined possible.
Maybe that is part of our metamorphosis this Yom Kippur. Not emerging from the chrysalis as perfect parents, but as parents who listen a little more, apologize a little more easily, and understand our children a little more deeply.
May we enter Yom Kippur with the courage to acknowledge the ways we have fallen short, the vulnerability to say “I’m sorry,” and the willingness to listen. And may we emerge into this new year a little more open, a little more present, and ready to try again.
G’mar Chatimah Tovah,
Mike Witman
Senior Director of Lifelong Learning
